i'm looking for a pill

something to ease my will


it's kind of like the way i would have been with snap.
i wouldn't give a fuck about the prize.
or the competition.
but just because it was so important to everyone else,
it would become important to me.
edit:
no sorry. it's nothing like that. it's more like a raffle where you're dying to win the prize, but the guy that didn't want it wins instead. but then once he gets the prize, he loves it too. and you're just pissed.

you were above it and you were below it and you were floating somewhere around it.
but no longer.

fast as you can

i saw it begin to rain today.

i was sitting in my car, windows open, listening to the end of the song. it was quiet out. perfect.
the song ended, i packed up my stuff.
i opened the door; the wind picked up and tried to blow it closed.
i stepped out of the car, and then i heard the thunder. faintly.
the drops started falling.
i left my cell and wallet in the backseat and stood there.
i watched it start falling.
i watched it hit the trees, hit my car, hit me.
and in less than a minute, it was pouring.
i picked up my stuff and ran in.
it sounds cliche.
but it was amazing.

---

it made me want to cry. i don't know why. i was intimidated. i know you're on this whole different level, and it's entirely incomparable. but i still felt ashamed. i want to stand up there for my little ditty feeling playful and proud, and happy. but i use everything, and everyone, as an excuse to feel inferior. though all the other things? they aren't helping.

---

am i turned off by you? or have you intentionally turned yourself off to everyone?

---

welcome to c-town. population: 1.

you may not realize
when it's done or why
but it may be the best thing

i'm starting over.